Today started in a very reassuring way. All the people I knew and had a argument with I have forgiven and they have forgiven me as well. I think the group can get back together again...I really hope so...After that thing between Tom and Simonian, ackwardness and bitterness grew between all of us. I am down to Bryant, Simon, and Alan again...my dearest friends.
it was funny how me and Alan quarreled a day ago and the next day we go, "Brothers for a reason"
Vinny is always there for me too but half the time its just us.
Thinking about old times again... Arnald, George, Jimmy, Chris, Tom, Simon, Alan, and Bryant played foot ball together all the time and now we all went our own ways. I heard from George recently and he told me him and Jimmy opened a bakery in Philly working on their second store. Tom works for the NY stock exchange. Arnald found God. Chris never went to college...straight to work. Simon is a developer. Bryant and Alan is doing what the want to with them selves... and then there is me.... just me!!!
Some times I really feel depressed when I think of them friends and family because we come from a strong network of people. My friends achieve and over achieve their goals. All of my older cousins accomplished something in life. HK owns her own clothing line, Karrie is the Marketing Director of American Express, Wayne is a high ranking Computer engineer at Con Edison. A few other cousins and aunts and uncles working in investments. I really did feel depressed for some time because life is about passion.
Steve once told me life is about passion, commitment and to have a career. And I always say...Career???????
A career is something you try to build, something you are passionate about and would not mind spending time developing these skills. A job is something that brings food to the table. And once you developed your passion you also gain the commitment to obtain the skills you need to get better. Like computers....I have all the components I need to run diagnostics with my computer.
Right now I just want to become the COO I always wanted to be. Be some one in the family, a voice not and echo. I want to be the best me...reaching my full potential and to reach new limits in my abilities....
Friday, July 15, 2011
7/15/2011
Today I finally signed up for the actuary exam and decided to study like there is no tomorrow.
I think I finally got the answer, I was looking for and can finally move on. After seeing what have been going on in recent days have convinced me enough to learn to let go and move on. Now I am facing my old rival again...me and the future.
For the longest of time I have wanted an answer, an explanation, some sort of reasoning... and boy it feels good having it. I am comfortable with myself again really have moved on.
This experience have made me sad and bitter, frustrated in many ways and an experience I don't want to deal with again right now. The biggest lesson I learned is to... "Let go... Don't get to hanged on to things"....
Thinking back about the past really made me think of myself a lot. Thinking about these situations that I have exposed myself to have made me cling on to things less and less. In a way it feels like I am improving myself in every possible way to be held on to things that were important to me. But at the same time.... everytime something like this happens to me it feels like I am loosing a part of myself because I am afraid to get hurt again once I become clingy.
Fear is not something that should dictate your life but something to remind us the consequences of things. Like in the law of Accounting, for every credit there must be a debit.
O' boy I'm starting to remember all the things I use to tell myself. Having and not having goes together because once we get something we want we often give up something we have that we often take for granted. In economics its called....Opportunity Cost!!!
By truly letting go you can really move on and to deal with yourself once again.
Right now I just want to thank my friend whom have gotten me to the habit of blogging...It is truly a way to express myself with out having people to judge me.
I think I finally got the answer, I was looking for and can finally move on. After seeing what have been going on in recent days have convinced me enough to learn to let go and move on. Now I am facing my old rival again...me and the future.
For the longest of time I have wanted an answer, an explanation, some sort of reasoning... and boy it feels good having it. I am comfortable with myself again really have moved on.
This experience have made me sad and bitter, frustrated in many ways and an experience I don't want to deal with again right now. The biggest lesson I learned is to... "Let go... Don't get to hanged on to things"....
Thinking back about the past really made me think of myself a lot. Thinking about these situations that I have exposed myself to have made me cling on to things less and less. In a way it feels like I am improving myself in every possible way to be held on to things that were important to me. But at the same time.... everytime something like this happens to me it feels like I am loosing a part of myself because I am afraid to get hurt again once I become clingy.
Fear is not something that should dictate your life but something to remind us the consequences of things. Like in the law of Accounting, for every credit there must be a debit.
O' boy I'm starting to remember all the things I use to tell myself. Having and not having goes together because once we get something we want we often give up something we have that we often take for granted. In economics its called....Opportunity Cost!!!
By truly letting go you can really move on and to deal with yourself once again.
Right now I just want to thank my friend whom have gotten me to the habit of blogging...It is truly a way to express myself with out having people to judge me.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
7/13/2011
There is no such thing as limitations... there are only excuses we give ourselves to not achieve our end goal. When I fail to achieve my goals it always seems like I point fingers at something. That is a very bad habit but at the same time very self reassuring.
Suddenly I remember what my Muy Thai teacher.... Tawait have always told me. Muy Thai is about using muscles at its limits and the deal as much damage to the opposition as possible. What limits us are not the abilities of the human body but our mind.
After clearing out all the problems I had with myself in the past two days... I realized I am back in the zone, war zone with increased fight spirit to continue what I have always been doing.
Suddenly I remember what my Muy Thai teacher.... Tawait have always told me. Muy Thai is about using muscles at its limits and the deal as much damage to the opposition as possible. What limits us are not the abilities of the human body but our mind.
After clearing out all the problems I had with myself in the past two days... I realized I am back in the zone, war zone with increased fight spirit to continue what I have always been doing.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Why work so hard
For so long now...I have been working so hard. I always ask myself what am I fight for but regardless of how many answers I come up with for myself it seems like its an excuse. I tell people my dream is to become a COO (Chief Operations Officer) of a Fortune 500 company, an investment bank hopefully by the time I am 35-37. I try to work so hard everyday coming up with strategies and plans, market my ideas, think about alternatives, network, and so on and so forth....but some how regardless of how hard I work, things just don't seem at bright as I hope it would be. I think to myself a lot of how I can be better and take care of things more effectively but regardless of how much better I become I still feel so behind.
When you admire your rival whom is also one of your best friends there is always that chemistry of love and hate but bounded with respect. Life's hard when you always compare yourself to others...but when you don't you would not have that reference to how good you are and where you want to be. The path of greatness/success is something we all want but not easily achieved. When I think of my yard stick it feels like we are miles away...leaving me in a cloud of dust. It could be me being a Debbie Downer and always look at things from a negative point of view...But when I think of this person...I just see endless potential and intelligence. Where as for my self I am high and above but limited. People always say to me appreciate the things you already have, but sometimes I just feel like I need to have more a lot more to take on the role I want to be in the future.
Talking about my strive always remind of Avatar the Last Airbender, Prince Zuko... Running a path someone lay/ set for him. At this point of my life I know where I am going but not sure if I am going to this place because I want to or am I doing this because I am very competitive and would not quit until I see myself as an equal compared to my dear rival.
When you admire your rival whom is also one of your best friends there is always that chemistry of love and hate but bounded with respect. Life's hard when you always compare yourself to others...but when you don't you would not have that reference to how good you are and where you want to be. The path of greatness/success is something we all want but not easily achieved. When I think of my yard stick it feels like we are miles away...leaving me in a cloud of dust. It could be me being a Debbie Downer and always look at things from a negative point of view...But when I think of this person...I just see endless potential and intelligence. Where as for my self I am high and above but limited. People always say to me appreciate the things you already have, but sometimes I just feel like I need to have more a lot more to take on the role I want to be in the future.
Talking about my strive always remind of Avatar the Last Airbender, Prince Zuko... Running a path someone lay/ set for him. At this point of my life I know where I am going but not sure if I am going to this place because I want to or am I doing this because I am very competitive and would not quit until I see myself as an equal compared to my dear rival.
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